1. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!" Tryinghis best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"

 

2. The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk ofalcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," shebarked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting inat six o'clock in the morning?" "There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."

 

3. Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with people.

 

4. Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.

 

5. Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.

 

6. Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.

 

7. Anger at lies lasts forever. Anger at truth can't last.

 

8. If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself: 'I used to be angry every day; then every other day; now only every third or fourth day.' When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods.

 

9. If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase.

 

10. do u remembr ur childhod? wen u went to a toy shop nd asked shopkeper-Ancle hw much cost of dat monkey?...nd shop keper rply-that is a mirror my child..

 

11. Love+ship=Titanic

Dinosar+Forest=Jurasic park

Arnold+Gun=Terminator

U+ur smile=The mummy returns

 

12. This Century Is Truly LIFELESS:

Communication: WIRELESS

Cooking:FIRELESS

Youth:JOBLESS

This Msg: MEANINGLESS

Sender:PRICELESS

Reader:USELESS

 

13. Ill ask a que U should answer only by saying yes or no.Here is the que... Do ur parents know that u r a mental patient???

 

14. Plz Dont Neglect This

Msg

 

A Poor Boy

Suffering Frm Mental

Disorder Needs Shock

Treatment

Plz Send Ur Photo

So That

He Gets The

PROPER SHOCK

 

15. A Bf Brought Present 4 His GF

GF(After Opening)

What D Hell Wud I Do Wid Dis Diwali Rocket ?

BF : U Wanted Stars Na?

Now Sit On It N Get Lost!!

 

16. Superman is Flying

Spiderman is Jumping

Batman is Running

Hitman is Fighting

Gentleman is Sending SMS

Douberman is reading SMS

HaHaha.

 

17. Ha

HaHa

HaHaHa

HaHaHaHa

HaHaHaHaHa

HaHaHaHaHaHa

 

Nothing,

I suddenly remembered ur face..?

Oh my god..?

Wat a funny creation..

 

18. You=lovely

You=perfect

You=beautiful

You=amazing

You=sweet

You=cute

You=genius

You=fantastic

You=fabulous

Me=liar

 

19. Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

 

20. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

 

21. Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?

 

22. Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?

 

23. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

 

24. Forest king Virappan died last week. In his memory let us all switch off our mobiles for 2 mins. Plz forward this to all local criminals, as I did.

 

25. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...

 

26. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot. This describes everything you are not...

 

27. I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

 

28. You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

 

29. Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

 

30. U r Ultimate

U r Lovely

U r Likable

U r Unique

In short ......

U r ULLU !!!

 

31. Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!

 

32. Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop

 

33. I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

 

34. He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

 

35. Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing

 

36. Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

 

37. Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

 

38.

 

You=lovely

You=perfect

You=beautiful

You=amazing

You=sweet

You=cute

You=genius

You=fantastic

You=fabulous

Me=liar

 

39. Have you ever been to the moon ? no ! sit on my rocket and I will take you there .

 

40. Hello,

U R So,

art!

S art!

m

s art!

m

s art!

s artm!

ms art!

ms art!

ms art!

ms art!

SORRY,

this doesn't fit u..

 

41. U r a nice person...

but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning...

1st. pray to God so that u can live....

2nd.take a bath so that others can live....

 

42. R u mad?

Y r u reading me?

There is nothing in me.

Just stop it, u r wasting ur time.

I think u will never stop reading me.

OK

Read me now.

 

43. Government of Pakistan has introduced a new rule...

Good looking people should be thrown out of country!!! U r safe..oh! No where should I Hide???

 

44. Disturbing you...

new software has been introduced. Any 2 persons having it in their mobiles can send free SMS 2 each other.

To install it in ur mobile follow instructions otherwise ur mobile may be damaged. Press Down

Press Up

Wrong key pressed,Ur Mobile damaged

 

45. Brother: Why do you smell funny?

You: It's called Soap - don't think you've ever smelt it before...

 

46. Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

 

47. Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom

& without ugliness there can be no beauty..

so the world needs YOU after all!

 

48. Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly? ...

When she feels something wet she turn on her back.

 

49. U r sweet like

TOM

Cute like

JERRY

Naughty like

BUGGS BUNNY

Clever like

ALADIN,

Strong like

POPYE

 

INSHORT

 

 

ChaLtay phirTay CaRtoOn haIn aAp

Many Many Happy Resturns of the day 2 U

 

50. I"d love to ask how old you are,

but unfortunately I know you can"t count that high.

 

51. Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.

 

52. It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.

 

53. I have to be honest with myself. I think I am going to get booed badly. I am very well aware that some fans are very angry.

 

54. It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry.

 

55. Do something that makes a difference - because, by God, there's a lot to make you angry.

 

56. I would rather players get angry when they're dropped than take it lying down.

 

57. An angry man is again angry with himself when he returns to reason.

 

58. When a man sends you an impudent letter, sit right down and give it back to him with interest ten times compounded, and then throw both letters in the wastebasket.

 

59. The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.

 

60. Anger is a bad counselor.

 

61. Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.

 

62. Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

 

63. Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

 

64. Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.

 

65. If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other.

 

66. Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.

 

67. Not the fastest horse can catch a word spoken in anger.

 

68. If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot.

 

69. In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.

 

70. The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough.

 

71. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

 

72. Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You are going to yours, and I"m going to mine.

Man: I know how to please a Woman.

Woman: Well, please leave me alone.

Man: Please whisper those 3 little words that would make my day!

Woman: Go to hell

 

73. Those beautiful eyes,

that incredible body,

such a brain,

a sexy mouth,

nice smile ....

but that is enough about me,

tell me how you are?

 

74. Scientists all over the world r wondering,

how long a human being can live without brain.

Please tell them ur age.

 

75. U r Ultimate

U r Lovely

U r Likable

U r Unique

In short ......

U r ULLU !!!

 

76. Forest king Virappan died last week. In his memory let us all

switch off our mobiles for 2 mins. Plz forward this to all local

criminals, as I did.

 

77. I can"t Believe u Did That!

Again?

For God Sake! LORD!!

Why u Still Doing it?

Truth is out now!

MENTAL CASE!!

 

78. Q.Nobody likes you because you are a:

A.Cunt

B.Wanker

C.Rsole

D.Twat

50/50

Phone a friend?

Ring me! I will tell you!

Press Down if u think u r MAD.

 

79. With all the Rose's Perfume & with all the lights in the world & with all the children's Smiles...

I Wish U that ur all dreams comes True..

*HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007

 

80. Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.

 

81. 3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

 

82. Have you ever been to the moon ? no ! sit on my rocket and I will take you there .

 

83. U r a nice person...

but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning...

1st. pray to God so that u can live....

2nd.take a bath so that others can live....

 

84. R u mad?

Y r u reading me?

There is nothing in me.

Just stop it, u r wasting ur time.

I think u will never stop reading me.

OK

Read me now.

 

85. Brother: Why do you smell funny?

You: It's called Soap - don't think you've ever smelt it before...

 

86. I m D best

I can prove it

I can c the T in T cup

Can u c the world in world cup?

I can send my address to your mobile

Can u send ur mobile to my address

 

87. Scientists all over the world r wondering,

how long a human being can live without brain.

Please tell them ur age.

 

88. He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.

 

89. Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.

 

90. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

 

91. Get mad, then get over it.

 

92. I have lots of jokes in my inbox,

But I can’t send you all of them,

It will take a lot of time,

So I’m sending you just 1 joke

.

.

.

“You are so beautiful”

 

93. touch ur heart, u will feel the rhythm of ur heartbeat.

touch ur head u will feel the rhythm of empty pot.tin...tin..

 

94. Scientific Question For U.. How Does Blood Reach Ur Brain,,.. Simple.. Direction Of Liquid Is Always Towards The EMPTY SPACE.. HaHaHa

 

95. Close ur eyes n think about yourself,

ur face

ur style

ur nature

ur smile

ur looks

Now open your eyes

Free main HORROR film

 

96. Take a bowl…

fill it with grapes

Put ur hand in it..

Go in front of the mirror…

U know what ull find???

Langur ke haath mein angoor

 

97. There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.

 

98. Anger is one letter short of danger.

 

99. Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge.

 

100. Never write a letter while you are angry.