1. When you are up in ur life,

your friends know who you are.

When you are down in life,

you know who your friends are!

 

2. At the Zoo:

 

Is Lion ready? Yes Sir!

Is Tiger ready? Yes Sir!

Is Elephant Ready? Yes Sir,

Is Monley ready? No Sir...........

Why?

Because............

It's busy on reading this sms

 

3. Wife: Last night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewelry and clothes!

Husband: yeah, and I saw your dad paying the bill!

 

4. A sweet & loving person like u

needs no message....

_/\_(* *)_/\_

JUST A

;;"_ _";;

KISS!

;( * ):

_>_.<_

Muahh!

 

5. Son - I want a baby brother .

Mom - your dad is overseas. When he comes bak we will talk over it .

Son - why dont u give him a surprise ?

 

6. Hello my love a day without you is like years without rain.

You are my sunshine that brings light into my life.

Without u i will be in total darknes.

I love so much my love.

 

7. IF 007 IS JAMES BOND..

THEN WHAT IS 111??

TRY .....TRY......

SIMPLE YAAR ITS JAMES BOND IN BINARY....

 

8. U love someone... u marry someone else. The one u marry becomes

ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your email id...!

 

9. U r so careless! U alwayz leave things behind! Like now,u just

came 2 my mind n left a smile on my face.....stop it!

 

10. What's the difference between your smile and my smile.

You smile when you are happy,

and I smile when you are happy.

So

Please be happy and keep smiling.

 

11. Teacher to student: there is two type of sex on earth i.e. male and female

one student : teacher i know few more.

teacher : what?

student : bedroom sex, bathroom sex and online sex.....

 

12. LoVely mSg 4 a loveLy peRson fRom a LovEly pErson 4 a lovEly rEason at loVely tiMe frOm a lovelY Mind iN a loVely mOod in a loveLy stYle.

 

13. Life is like a book each day a new page wid adventures 2 experience,

Lessons 2 learn n gud deeds 2 replicate-

Have a colorful page today!

 

14. WORDS

and

HEARTS

should be handled carefully,

Because words when

SPOKEN

&

Hearts when

BROKEN

are the hardest things to repair.....

 

15. I saw a dream last nyt.

only u and me sitting together.

U looking at me continuously bcoz i was eating maggi &

u were saying ""1 chammach de de plzzzzzzzzzz"":-)

 

16. In life,

You Get What You Hate and

You Also Get What You Love .

Remember to Choose Wisely.

 

17. When any tension Creps in Ur Mnd,

just close ur eyes,

think of me and see ur fingers

u wil find my fingers clutched into ur fingers.

To

Say

I m

Always

With U.

I love u Priya.

 

18. when u share urself with others, life begins 2 find its meaning....

bt the time u touch d hearts of others is d moment u truely start living......

 

19. Success of life will create crowd for u,

but

Tough Time in Life Will Create a True Person in U.

 

"Worrying Doesn't Reduce yesterdays Sorrows,

but

it Empties Todays Strength".

Be Happy Forever.

 

20. When it rains, all the birds fly towards the shelter. But

eagle alone avoids the rain by flying above the clouds. Problem is

common to all, but attitude makes the difference

 

21. -:--:-<@

--:--:-<@

--:--:-<@

I am sending u three flowers,

for reminding u three things..

U

ME

and

OUR FRIENDSHIP.

 

22. Sumtimes we struggle thru a tasteless cup

of coffee till the last sip &

then we find sugar lying at the bottom.

That's life enough sweetened but not stired well.

 

23. Hello my love a day without you is like years without rain.

You are my sunshine that brings light into my life.

Without u i will be in total darknes.

I love so much my love.

 

24. SPEAKING WITHOUT EGOS,

LOVING WITHOUT INTENTION.

CARING WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS,

PRAYING WITHOUT SELFISHNESS

IS THE SIGN OF TRUE RELATION.....(.!.)

- ( JKGILL,HPR)

 

25. Sometimes, I forget to say hi,

Sometimes, I even miss to reply,

Sometimes, my msg doesn't reach u,

But, it doesn't mean that I forget u,

I’m just giving u time to miss me!

 

26. Beatiful Picture R Developed From Negative In Dark Room,

So If Any Time U C Darkness In Ur Life It Means God Is Developing A

Beautiful Future For U.

 

27. Between yesterday's mistakes n tomorrow hope,

there is a fantastic opportunity called 'TODAY'!!!

so live it in your own style, rock ur life!

 

28. Rina: what is the difference between boys & girls? Seema-

Boys are naughty, we are beauty, they've chest, we are breast. Rina-

They've night falls, we've 2 big balls,they've a big pole,we've a big hole.

Seema : They can fuck' we can suck. They are brilliant' we are pregnant

and at last we are "LOVERS" They R "FUCKERS".

 

29. Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?

A pink rose with loveley details.

And after sex?

Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

30. Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits.

No she said lifting her skirt.

Eat me like the fucking book says!

 

31.  This is a cock sucker detector

Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....

The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...

COCK SUCKER !!

 

32. There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.

 

33. what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth

 

34. there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together

 

35.  I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth

 

36. Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!

 

37. Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!

 

38. I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark

 

39. *NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'

 

40.  Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

 

41. CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you

 

42. How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down

 

43. A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same?

 

44. Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

 

45. When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.

 

46. Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!

 

47. Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and then you will be the man!!!

 

48. Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

 

49. three good manners of male penis. 1)Courteous-it stands before performing. 2)Emotional-it cries during the performance. 3)Polite-it bows down after the performance.

 

50. LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A

CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T

WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

 

51. rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in

river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva

therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

 

52. Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.

MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got

my nose in her armpit. Now what?

 

53.  A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?

His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

 

54. Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she

lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2

stones with the help of a crane.

 

55. The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the

louder the scream,louder the scream the better the

fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

 

56. Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your

breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me

take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

 

57. Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up

above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let

me suck you, dont feel shy.

 

58. Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast

tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d

breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

 

59. SEX is the game, Love is a name, Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY the game.

 

60.  Sex is a sensation caused by temptation,when a man puts his location in a woman's destination,do U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration

 

61. Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody is having sex at this very moment....Wait a sec...There is only one sucker reading this message!

 

62. Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between

 

63. Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men.

 

64. By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning...You have now become unnecessary.

 

65. Do you know the highest level you can reach during sex? ................................. no?...................................... Bungler !

 

66. I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!!

 

67. Meaning of lyf is containd in evry sngle expresion of lyf Its presnt in infinity of forms & phenomena tht exist in all of creation

 

Michael jackson

 

68. Only true Friends stand with u during Bad times of yOur Life. . ,

 

So I prOmise

 

 

i will attend yOur Wedding =p

 

69. I eat T.V

&

watch the Food.

.

 

I baked Book

&

studies cake.

.

 

I switched off the bed

&

slept on fan.

 

 

This is de condition wen

 

I MISS U ! :)

 

70. Wife: if I sleep with your best friend, what thought will first come into your mind?

Husband: that you’re a Lesbian

 

71. Boys say it's great

boys say it's fine

9 months later

they say: it's not MINE ;)

 

72. sometime girl can attract man with her mind

but most often she can attract him with what she doesnt mind

 

73. one good thing about sex

that it brings lovers so close that

they cant see anything wrong with each other

 

74. A good friend is like a good bra

Hard to find

Comfortable

Supportive

Prevents you from falling

Holds you tight

And is always close to your heart

 

75. If you’re wondering what is that a women has in front

And cow at the back?

The letter W

 

76. Marriage is the price men pay for sex

And sex is the price women pay for marriage

 

77. Why is a car engine works like a wife?

On a cold morning, when you need it, it wont turn over

 

78. If u hav 2 eggs between ur 2 legs u r a man but if u hav 4 eggs

between ur 2 legs don't think u r a superman someone is F**king u

 

79. Girl and boy lost in jungle After two days of struggle for food and

water, girl said-dear plz fuck me. boy asid: why? girl said: abey kuch to ander

jayega.

 

80. Free Pick up + Dinner + Nigtht Stay + Malish is just one call away,

Just dail 15 (police) and say Tussi Saray panchod ho

 

81. My past says u met me

My future says u will care 4 me

My present says u will understand me

But my heart says u will

Always Remember ME!

 

82. I just want

you to know

that no matter

what you do,

and no matter

where you go,

my love follows you.

I’m there in

all you do,

and I’m always

proud of you!

 

83. If U Look At Me

I’ll Look At U

If U Grin At Me

I’ll Grin At U

I U’ll Dance

I’ll Also Dance

Bt If U Shout,

Sorry, I can’t. Who am I ?

 

84. A Man Is the Head of the Family

But. . .

Be Clear that the WIFE is the Neck!

And

The NECK turns the Head Exactly the way it Wants!

 

85. Love “Don’t Show So Much

Of Care To Anyone

Because

It Creates A

Non-Curable Pain

When

They Start Avoiding

You …… “

 

86. What's the closest thing to a woman's period?

Your salary.

It comes once a month,

lasts About 3 or 4 days and if it doesn't come, everything's fucked

 

87. The most difficult golf course in the world is... "Women Hole" any

style you play... as many shots you try... & as much perfection you have... you

can never get your balls in...!!!

 

88. He came at night,

explored my body,

got on top of me,

touched me,

he bit, sucked, swalowd,

when he was satisfyed,

he left,

i was hurt,

BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!

 

89. I really deeply wish tat u r here with me in my room. on my bed & lights off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch.

 

90. Press down down more Ok more YES ahh ohh yes almost there yeah oh shit harder SO GOOD ! mmmmm That's how I sex on text !

 

91. Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u lastnite,

my lovely pyjama

 

92. What do you call a wife who is sexy,

beautiful, intelligent, understanding,

caring, never jealous and a great cook?

ANSWER : A rumor!

 

93. Come here,take off urs pants and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving urs.....toilet!

 

94. Always start your day with a lot of... S E X

S - SMILE

E - ENERGY

X - XCITEMENT

so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE.

 

95. A woman married

a one legged man.

She wrote to her

mother:

"My husband only has

ONE FOOT".

Her Mother

replied:

"You are lucky,

your papa has

ONLY 5 INCHES"

 

96. two men went to fuck a girl.

1st came out after fucking a girl n said...

''My wife is better''

2nd went in ,fuck a girl... Came out n said...

''U were right, your wife is better..

 

97. Girl to Doctor: My mobile got stuck in my vagina since last 4 days in

vibration mode.

Doctor: OK, I will remove this easily.

Girl: Just recharge the battery.

 

98. how is sex related to maths?..add two person and a bed..substract

cloths..divide the legs..multiply the strokes..and the result is

satisfucktion..!aha!!!

 

99. What do you call a wife who is sexy,

beautiful, intelligent, understanding,

caring, never jealous and a great cook?

ANSWER : A rumor!

 

100. Q: What is a kiss?

A: Very simple, its an enquiry at the top floor about the vacancy in the ground

floor.