1. Wife: I wish I was a newspaper

so I would be in ur hands allday.

Husband: I too wish that u were

a newspapers so I could have

a new one everyday.

 

2. Question: What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?

Ans. Just forget it once and you will never forget it again.

 

3. I have the "I",

I have the "L",

I have the "O",

I have the "V",

I have the "E"

Can I plz can I have "U"?

 

4. I have liked many, but loved few.

Still, no-one has been as sweet as u.

I'd stand and wait in world's longest queue.

For the pleasure of having a moment with u.

 

5. The Husband is the Head of the Family,

But

Wife is the Neck of the Family,

which

can turn the head any where she wants ;-)

 

6. HuSbaNd n wIfE wEnt 2 pIcNiC,

At pIcNiC sPoT hUsBaNd lOstEd hEr wIfE.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

MORAL:

LucK By Chance

 

7. Position of a Husband

Is just like a Split AC...

No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor,

He is designed to remain Silent in Indoor.

 

8. Man 1- I Notice Dat Ur Wife Is Mostly In The Kitchen

Probably She Loves Cooking Many Varieties

 

Man 2- No! Actualy Our Telefone Connection Is In The Kitchen ;->

 

9. "A TRUE THOUGHT"

"One Who Doesnt Love

A Girl Before His Marriage

Can Never Love His

Wife After Marriage;-)"

 

10. Man 2 pretty girl in Bazar:

I lost my wife here, can U talk to me for a while?

Girl:Why?

Man:Coz whenever I talk to any Girl, my Wife appears out of nowhere!;-)

 

11. Man1- I told my wife d truth dat

I was seeing a Psychiatrist

Man2- Thn?

Man1- Thn She told me d truth dat

She's seeing a Psychiatrist, 2 Plumbrz n a Bartendr :P

 

12. Love Is The Thing That ...

Enables A Woman To Sing

While She Mops Up The Floor

After

Her Husband Has Walked Across It

In His Barn Boots ... =P ;->

 

13. What Is The Next Thing

A Man Should Do After

Winning An

Argument With His Wife ?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Apologise !!!;)

 

14. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

 

15. Man : My wife is toooooo good. She can talk on any subject for hours.

Friend : Ahh!!! my wife is better, she does not even need a subject to talk about!

 

16. What is the thinnest book in the world?

 

What Men Know About Women?

 

17. Long ago

Men who sacrificed

their Love & youth

their parents

their identity

their laughter n happiness

were called SAINTS

But. . . .

Now they r called HUSBANDS

 

18. 2 Married Men Talking-

10yrs Ago,

Whenever I Returned Home,

My Dog Used To Greet Me By Barking & My Wife By Kissing.

 

Now They Both Exactly Do The Opposite

 

19. Man To Doctor-

Every Night My Wife Goes To Bar & Sleeps With Anyone

 

Who Proposes Her.

Doctor-Relax & Calm Down &

 

Now Tell

 

Which Bar ??

 

20. An Economist explains the reason for having 2 wives

Monopoly is Always Damaging!

And?

Competition Improves Service!

 

21. A man inserted an 'add' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

 

22. 1st Friend: My wife converted me to religion.

2nd Friend: Really?

1st Friend: Yes. Until I married her I didnt believe in hell.

 

23. Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman,

but luckier is the woman

who is the last love of a man.

 

24. The average man’s life consists of: Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

 

25. Sardar on phone Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.

Doctor: Is this her first child?

Sardar: No this is her husband speaking…………

 

26. Wife asked his husband how many women he had slept with.

Husband proudly replies, only you darling, with others I was awake!!

27. Last night was my fault,

my wife asked,

“what’s on the TV?”

and ….. I said, “dust!”

 

28. Q: WHO IS THE MOST SUCCESSFUL MAN?

ANS: HE IS THE ONE WHO MAKES MORE MONEY THAN HIS WIFE CAN SPEND!

 

29. Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.?

Santa: Very long!!!!!

 

30. Pati – I Saw my wife with a unknown man going to movie.

Friend – didnt you follow them?

Pati – Nahi yaar,I have already seen that movie

 

31. Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?

A. Moti-vating!!!

 

32. When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

 

33. The average man’s life consists of:

20 years of having his mother ask him where he is going,

40 years of having his wife ask the same question;

An d at the end, the mourners wondering too.

 

34. A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG,

is HONEST.

A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,

is WISE.

A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT,

is a HUSBAND.!

 

35. Boy friend is fun,

&

Husband is gun,

Boy friend is light of moon,

&

Husband is month of june,

Boy friend is tooty fruity,

&

Husband is qismat phooti.

36. A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"

His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

 

37. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

 

38. A little kid asks his Dad,

“Daddy, how much does

it cost to get married?”

“No idea,” replied the Father,

“I’m still paying for it…”

39. What a married man says after years of marriage:- My marriage is made of Trust & Understanding, she doesn’t Trust me & I dont Understand her.

 

40. I have often wanted to drown my troubles... but I have not been able to convince my wife to go for a swim!

 

41. Position of a husband is like split A.C..No matter how loud it is outside, but inside the room it is designed to remain silent !

 

42. Only Historian can become

Great Husband because as thing(wife) become older his interest rises.

 

43. A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.

 

44. I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it

 

45. Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married

 

46. A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married

 

47. My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.

 

48. Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.

 

49. The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him.

 

50. By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

 

51. One man's folly is another man's wife.

 

52. A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

 

53. A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers.

 

54. The husband who wants a happy marriage

should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

 

55. Telling a lie is

Fault 4 a little boy

an Art 4 a lover

an Accomplishment 4 a bachelor

and a Matter of survival 4 a married man

 

56. What's new? Most of my wife.

 

57. We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

 

58. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

 

59. This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.

 

60. Men are like chocolate bars…. sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

 

61. Spinster: A bachelor's wife.

 

62. Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

A: They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time!

 

63. My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

 

64. My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.

 

65. My other wife is beautiful.

 

66. My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them.

 

67. My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day.

 

68. Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

 

69. May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house.

 

70. Wife: You changed after marriage.

Husband: I’ve told you that

“I am not interested in Married womans”

 

71. A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

 

72. Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

 

73. If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks.

 

74. If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?

 

75. I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.

 

76. Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping.

 

77. Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

 

78. He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.

 

79. Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action.

 

80. And I shall love thee still my dear, Until my wife is wise.

 

81. It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

 

82. I've known many,

Liked not a few,

Loved only one,

I toast to you

 

83. To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage

...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!

 

84. To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.

 

85. I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man.

 

86. A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted

 

87. Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

 

88. Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

 

89. The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him

 

90. A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.

 

91. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

 

92. Ram: "My wife has the worst memory".

Shyam: "Does she forget everything?"

Ram: "No, She remembers everything".

 

93. Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

 

94. I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

 

95. Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

 

96. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.

 

97. There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late!"

 

98. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

 

99. The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

 

100. Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter."