1. You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.

 

2. Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants

 

3. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

 

4. Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?

 

5. Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

 

6. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

 

7. He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown

 

8. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

 

9. He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.

 

10. His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.

 

11. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

 

12. People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them

 

13. He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.

 

14. We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

 

15. You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.

 

16. As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.

 

17. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot. This describes everything you are not...

 

18. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...

 

19. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lightin

 

20. Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

 

21. Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

 

22. Are you typing with your forehead, again?

 

23. Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

 

24. Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

 

25. I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

 

26. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

 

27. I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

 

28. I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

 

29. Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

 

30. He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

 

31. I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

 

32. Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo

 

33. Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

 

34. Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

 

35. Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

 

36. I've seen more life in a down and out's vest

 

37. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

 

38. You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

 

39. I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high

 

40. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

 

41. I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

 

42. This sms can only be read by someone SEXY

try again

again

maybe you are

just not sexy?

one more time

hey don't force it ugly!!!

 

43. Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

 

44. Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

 

45. People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them

 

46. We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

 

47. You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.

 

48. I've been arrested for bein the ugliest person in Britain, can u plz cum down the police station and show them it's a mistake?

 

49. Clouds r white but the sky is blue,monkey like u should b kept in the zoo, dont get angry ull find me there too,not in the cage but laughing at u. ha! ha! ha!

 

50. I saw U on the road that day U Were Looking so fine Ur Face So Divine Ur Walk So Perfect My Heart Started to Sing a Sweet Song??????. WHO LET THE DOGS OUT

 

51. Today, tommorow and yesterday there will be one heart that would always beat for you You know Whose??? your Own Stupid!!!

 

52. TWO FACTS OF LIFE FACT 1 : U cannot touch ur lower lip with ur tongue. FACT 2 : After reading this, 99/100 idiots like u would try it.!!

 

53. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

 

54. Hey! Can you do me a favour, take a pic of urself and send it to me. I'm Playing cards and i'm mising the JOKER!!!

 

55. I saw u on a road, U look so beautiful, u walk as a divine. when i see u a sweet song blowed in my heart WHO LETS THE DOG OUT.

 

56. I'm at police station. The police caught me & filed a case against me of "POSSESSION OF GOOD LOOKS" . i'm DOOMED, Need some ugly Monkey 2 bail me out , Where r u?

 

57. I like watching you, I like to spend my time with you. But you are always surrounded by others as you are the main attaraction of the ZOO!!!

 

58. Qualities a friend must have: Cute as crocodile. Smart as donkey. Active as turtle. Fit as hippo. Matured as monkey. Sincerity like dog. No doubt you are my good friend

 

59. What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.

 

60. 1 day u'll B srprisd 2 c ME beside U.

U & ME laughing,

U & ME crying,

U & ME dreaming,

U & ME holding on,

U & ME...

just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.

 

61. A child monkey asks his mother, "mom, y r we so ugly??" mother replies... " no son, don't say like tht, u should thank God, look at this person reading this message" hahahaha :)

 

62. Do u know that ur smile takes 1000's of people to death? save the world.

.

.

.

.

.

.

So plz start brushing regularly.

 

63. A) ur attractive

B) u r buff

C) u r clever

D) u r dashing

E) u r excitin

f) u r funny

g) u r gorgeous

h0 how was that

i) i was

J) just

)k) kidding

l) u r loser

m)man

 

64. Modern

Obedient

Neatful

Kindful

Excellent

Young

 

 

 

Hey!Thats me.

 

 

 

Dont b sad even ur name is also there,read D 1st LETTER of every word.

 

65. Diffrence between fate n stupidity: If ur father is poor,then its ur fate,if ur father-in-law is poor,its ur stupidity..!!

 

66. it iz psycologically proved that all the fools & stupids, donkeys,monkeys,use thier thumb to read messages. dont change your finger now its to late !

 

67. I'm proud that ur my frnd coz ur

20% Perfect,

20% Attractive,

20% Great,

20% Amazing,

20% Lovable,

in short ur 100% P.A.G.A.L.!!

 

68. Sometimes my mind asks me..

Why I like U?

Why I wnt 2 c U?

Why I Rem'ber U?

Why U make me laugh?

 

THEN my HEART answers....

Its simply coz

I LOVE CARTOONS.

 

69. Flowers dies

Stories ends

Songs fades

Memories r forgotton

All things comes 2 end

But people like u always remain 4ever

 

Bcz GHOSTS NEVER DIE!

 

70. Even if we lose contact..

Or even mèét less..

Or even SMS less..

i"ll still remember ur beautiful face!

 

,****,

( @...@ )

"(--)"

 

71. What is the similar between "Baygon-spray" & "Body-spray"? If you Use Baygon spray you will die & If you Don't use Body spray others will

 

72. Do u know that your Smile takes 1000 People to Death ? Save The World......... So Plz start brushing regularly

 

73. Last night few BHOOTS came running to my room saying we want to disturb nice people, i gave them ur address,they said,Oh No!we can't disturb our BOSS

 

74.

 

RECIPE:

1. Take a bowl of grapes.

2. Put your hand in it.

3. Stand in front of mirror.

 

The dish is ready.

 

RECIPE NAME:

Grpes Soup!!!!!

 

75. Birds love you, monkeys love you, hippos love you,

snakes love you, tortoise love you, giraffe loves you.....

Please go back to ZOO, they all really miss U!

 

76. Who Wants 2 B A

£MILLIONAIRE£

 

Let's play?

Q.Nobody likes you because you are a:

 

 

A.Cunt

B.Wanker

C.Rsole

D.Twat

 

77. today i want to see a lizard....... so that plzzz have a date wid me today hope u will come.

 

78. Eighty-Five Years virgin dying lady wanted her grave to read"Born Virgin Lived Virgin Died Virgin".The sculptor shortened it to"PARCEL RETURNED UNOPENED"

 

79. I saw U on ROAD today. U were lukin SO fine, Ur face SO divine, Ur walk SO perfect. My HEART started singing a Sweet Song: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!

 

80. Your network tariff has changed! Call charges are now calculated according to brain size. The smaller the cheaper! Congrats You can make free calls!

 

81. Press Down if u think u r MAD.

I can't Believe u Did That!

Again?

For God Sake! LORD!!

Why u Still Doing it?

Truth is out now!

MENTAL CASE!!

 

82. Cow Elephant Donkey.

-Discussing who is greatest?

Cow.I giv 50 ltres milk a day.

Elephant.I eat 100 bundle's of sugar cane a day.

 

83. If i need brain transplantation i wil prefer ur brain......... dont think u r genious. I just wanted a brain which is never used before ! !

 

84. You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.

 

85. You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20.

 

86. Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

 

87. Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

 

88. There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name.

 

89. If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second.

 

90. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.

 

91. What's the simularity of math and sex? add the beds, minus the clothes, devide the leggs and multiply.

 

92. Death is the greatest kick of all.That's why they save it for last!

 

93. Bedroom golf can make u grin,u need a stick 2 help u win.Keep ur clubs in good condition+neva play wivout permission.Practice often its lotsa fun+try2get a hole in1

 

94. What's that ugly thing on your neck? OOOH Its your face!

 

95. HOW DO U KEEP A BLONDE WOMEN BUSY ALL DAY? PUT HER IN A CIRCLE ROOM AT TELL HER TO GO AND SIT IN THE CORNER!

 

96. We are pleased to tell you your results Your IQ test came back Its Negative!!

 

97. im ur secret admirer u touch me in all the right places u always no how to turn me on ur lookin at me rite now smilin,who am i? im ur phone u fool

 

98. How Do U Keep An Idiot Entertained? Press Down Press Up......................

 

99. yes,god made u first,but there is always a rough draft before the final copy

 

100. Psst! Cutie yes YOU! Ur smiling again Its coz i told u dat ur CUTE hey Sometimes we need 2 lie Just to make some one SMILE!