1. Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream

That u were sending me

Jewelry and clothes!

Husband: yeah, I saw

your dad paying the bill !!!

 

2. Wife:What is 10 years with me?

Husband:A second.

Wife:What is $1000 for me?

Husband:A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.

Husband:Wait a second

 

3. Judge:why did u shoot ur wife

instead of shootingher lover?

Sardar:Your honour,

it’s easier to shoot a woman once,

than shooting one man every week.

 

4. Last night was my fault,

my wife asked,

“what’s on the TV?”

and ….. I said, “dust!”

 

5. Husband:u will never succeed

in making that dog obey u!

Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,

I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

 

6. Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband is liver & wife is kidney.

If liver fails, kidney fails.

If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

 

7. Wife: What is so interesting in me?

Husband: I dont know the meaning of interesting!!!

 

8. Husband: Today is sunday &

I have to enjoy it.

So i bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why three?

Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.

 

9. Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

 

10. wife:honey,what r u looking 4?

husband: nothing

wife:why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?

husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

 

11. Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…

Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

WIFE says: No darling , it means :-

With Idiot For Ever

 

12. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”

The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

 

13. Wife going to USA

Wife:Do u want anything from USA?

Husband: Yeah, an english girl

Wife returns from USA

Husband:where's my gift?

Wife:wait for 9 months

 

14. Husband:u will never succeed

in making that dog obey u!

Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,

I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

 

15. Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push…!!!

 

16. I am in hospital now.

After 5 minutes, I will be transferred to a surgery room.

The doctor told me, I will die if I stop RECEIVING

YOUR Love.

 

17. Women Marry Men Hoping They Will Change,

Men Marry Women Hoping They Will Not.

Unfortunately It Happens in Contrast &

Ultimately Both of Them Gets Disappointed.

 

18. Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

 

19. !Wife: I Have Changed My Mind..

Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now??

 

20. A couple were arguing.

Wife: You dont like anybody in my family.

Husband: Not true, I like your mother-in-law better than my mother-in-law!

 

21. Man Was Complaining 2 A Frnd

I'd It All

Money, A Beautiful House, A Big Car, D Luv Of A Prety Gal Thn Its

All Gone

Frnd: Wht Hapend?

Man: My Wife Found Out :)

 

22. Man 2 Her Fat Wife: 'Do U Wana Lose 10 Pounds Of Ugly Fat In Just 2 Mins?'

Wife:' Yes, Why Not. Tell Me Wht's d Procedure?'

Husband: 'Cut Off Ur Head' =P ;->

 

23. Wife: Wherever We Keep D Money,

Our Son Steals It.

I Don't Know What To Do About It

Hus: Keep It In His ENGINEERING Books.

He'll Never Touch!

 

24. Wife: Darling ! When Was The Last Time Our Son Wrote To Us ... ?

Husband: Just A Minute Sweetheart ! I'll See The Cheque-Book ... (-;

 

25. HUSBAND-Shall v Try A Different P?siti?n 2Nite?

WiFE-Xcellent Idea, U Stand

At Da SINK & Wash Da Dishes

& I?ll Lie ?N Da S?FA & Watch

Da T.V?;)

 

26. Wife- Beggar Who Came Yesterday Is Very Bad

Husband- WHY ?

Wife- I Gave Him Food Yesterday & Today He Gifted Me A Book How To Cook?

 

27. Wife:I Think Our Daughter ?s ?n Love with Someone?

Husband:

How Do U Know??

Wife:

Bcoz She is Not Asking For Pocket Money?

 

28. a seventy years old man asked his wife.

Do you feel sad when u see me running behind young girls?

Wife: No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can?t drive it.

 

29. Radio Quiz:

Should women have children after 35?

Sardar Replied:

No, 35 children are more than enough!

 

30. Wife: If I removed da cook & make da food myself 4 a month,what will u pay me?

Husband: I don?t hav 2 pay u, u?ll get my entire insurance amount.;-)

 

31. Man On His Death Bed Confesses 2 His Wife-I Had An Affair With Ur Sister, Ur Best Frd & The Maid.

Wife : I Know Darling. Now Relax & Let The Poison Work! ..;-)

 

32. A Wife hit her Husband with a Frying Pan.

Husband:What was THAT for?

Wife:I found a paper in your pocket, with the name Jenny on it.

Husband:I played RACE last week and Jenny was the name of my HORSE.

Wife:Sorry!

Next day the Wife hit him with the Frying Pan AGAIN!

Husband:Why?

Wife:Your Horse PHONED!

 

33. A Couple Drove For several Miles, Not saying A Word

As They Passed A ?arnyard Θf Mules & Donkeys,

Wife; Relatives Θf Ψours .!

Husband: Yep, My In-Laws?!

 

34. A Small Argument Betwn A Couple Turns Violent.

Angry Husband: Do Not Let D Animal In Me Cum Out.

Wife: Who Is Scared Of A Mouse!

 

35. ?Friendship Among Women?

A woman didn?t come home @ night. The next day she told her husband she?d slept over at a friend?s house

The man called his wife?s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it

?Friendship among Men?

A man didn?t come home 1 night. The next day he told his wife he slept over at a friend?s house

The woman called her husband?s 10 best friends. 8 of them said, he did sleep over and 2 claimed, he wz still there !

 

36. Husband:I?ll admit I?m wrong if u?ll admit I?m right!

Wife:I agree! u go first!

Husband:Ok?I?m wrong!

Wife(with a twinkle in her eye):you are right!

 

37. Husband: I am Going Out For Five Days...!

Wife: Ok But Don't Surprise Me By Coming Back Early, OtherWise U'll Be Surprised. . . ;->

 

38. Husband:

You know,

wife, our son got his brain from me.

Wife: I think he did ,

I still got mine with me!

 

39. Wife: What is so interesting in me?

Husband: I dont know the meaning of interesting!!!

 

40. Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ?What other problem [?]

 

41. Husband sitting near to his wife n she was driving,

Husband:please slow down the speed of car.

Wife:No ;please. No; please No please No pls..

Husband:the Newspaper will publish ur correct Age 55 in case of axident; Ohh KHkhkhkhkhkh..

 

42. Husband:u will never succeed

in making that dog obey u!

Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,

I had a lot of trouble with u at first

 

43. Wife: i had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known the minute I asked you to marry me

 

44. HUSBAND- Shall v Try A Different Position 2Nite?

WiFE- Xcellent Idea, U Stand

At Da SINK & Wash Da Dishes

& I’ll Lie oN Da SoFA & Watch

Da T.V….

 

45. Husband to a newly wed wife!

I could go to the end of the world for you

Wife:Thanks,but promise me

you will stay there for the rest of your life.

 

46. Women Marry Men Hoping that They Will Change,

Men Marry Women Hoping that They Will Not..

Un4tunately It Happens in Contrast &

Ultimately Each 1 Gets Disappointed..

 

47. Fuming Wife: Wats my value in the family??

Techie Husband: An Unknown Virus..!!

 

48. Man & Wife were watchin a Boxing match in wich a boxer knockd out in round1

man says,

disgusting

It was ALL OVER in 1minute

Wife comments

NOW U know

how I Feel?

 

49. Wife: “If I sleep with your most loving friend,

what will be the first thought

that’ll come in your mind?”

Husband: “That you are a LESBIAN…”

 

50. Man come home,

Saw his Wife with his Friend in Bed.

He shoots his Friend.

Wife says “If you behave like this,

you will lose ALL your friend

 

51. Man at medical store:I need poison

Chemist: I can’t sell you that

Man shows his marriage certificate

.

.

.

Chemist: Oh! sorry,

I didn’t knew u had a prescription.

 

52. Lady to her Friend,

“Me and my Husband

Disagree on Everything. . .

I’m Too Far to the Right

and He’s Too Far to

the Wrong.”

 

53. To Be Happy With a Men:Love Him Little And Understand Him Alot..

To Be Happy With a Woman:Love Her Alot And DO NOT TRY To Understand HER---

 

54. Married men live longr thn single men do,bt married men r a lot mre willng 2 die

 

55. A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

 

56. Sign in wallpaper and paint store: "Husbands choosing colors must have note from wives"

 

57. At a lion’s marriage:

Cat to Rat : Why are you dancing like teasing the Lion ?

Rat to Cat : Before marriage, even i was a lion !!!

 

58. Intresting Fact but true....

Only Twenty Percent of man have Brains,

Rest of them have....

 

59. If some one would like to have

a successful life after marriage

so he should implement this formula.

Never break 4 things in life.

1. Promise

2. trust

3. heart

4. relation

 

It never sounds when it breaks

but pains a lot.

 

60. Wife runs home saying, Pack your bag honey, I won 10 crores in lottery

Husband: Should I pack for beach or hills?

Wife: Who cares?

 

61. A Man's Silence can break a Woman's heart into thousand pieces while A Woman's Silence can give a man a thousand moments of peace...

 

62. There is a way of transferring funds

That is even faster than net banking.

It is called marriage.

 

63. To keep ur marriage brimming

With love in the marriage cup,

Whenever u're wrong, admit it,

Whenever u're right,

shut up..

 

64. In this world, every wife iz a mistress 2 her husband.

One hour of Miss and 23 hours of stress..

 

65. Getting married iz very much like going 2 a restaurant wid friendz. U order what u want,

& when u see what da other fellow has, u wish u had ordered dat.

 

66. A husband was returning home after cremating his wife.

He sees heavy lightning and thunderstorm in the sky.

Husband thinks: She must have reached there.

 

67. Harassed Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.

Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.

Husband: I know all that.

Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?

Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.

 

68. LOVE AND HONOUR YOUR PATNER,

HELP AND GIVE SERVICE.

BUT DO NOT BAHAVE LIKE A SLAVE.

 

69. What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow.

 

70. The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.

 

71. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

 

72. Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.

 

73. A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.

 

74. One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.

 

75. Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

 

76. In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.

 

77. In a court: So, Witness, what did you do when you saw this woman whacking her husband's head with this iron? I called my fiance and said I had changed my mind about marrying her.

 

78. Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented!

 

79. Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it

 

80. Though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools.

 

81. Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

 

82. Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

 

83. Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress.

 

84. Mother-in-law: a woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

 

85. Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition.

 

86. What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

 

87. It's easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for years?

 

88. A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

 

89. In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do.

 

90. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

 

91. To keep your marriage brimming

With love in the marriage cup,

Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

Whenever you're right, shut up.

 

92. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant.

You order what you want

But, when you see what the other person has,

You wish you had ordered that.

 

93. Besides lots of problems, marriage confers one very special privilege –

Only a married person can get divorced.

 

94. Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable.

 

95. When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.

 

96. To keep your marriage brimming

With love in the marriage cup,

Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

Whenever you're right, shut up.

 

97. The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.

 

98. A happy man marries the girl he loves;

a happier man loves the girl he

marries.

 

99. 2 Keep Ur Marriage Brimming,

Wid Love In The Wedding Cup,

Wenever U?re Wrong, Admit It;

Wenever U?re Right, Shut Up.

 

100. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence….(a life sentence!).