1. I was nervous at first, it was big & long &went straight up, I had to try it... i eased myself onto it & i liked it! i went up & down on it, i love escalators now

 

2. From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!

 

3. He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... DAMN MOSQUITO

 

4. Someday u may lose ur hair.u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.coz u cant lose wot u don't have!

 

5. I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!

 

6. It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me...its not what you think its a cup of tea!

 

7. Last nite i wantd u.needed u so badly dat it hurt.wantd 2 taste u.i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u.u stupid.. PARACETAMOL!

 

8. At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS?

 

9. Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam

 

10. Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PYJAMAS?

 

11.  I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up& down, can't wait til nxt time I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

 

12. come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!!

 

13. I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed

 

14. Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u... well get out of my way!

 

15. friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants

 

16. (_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

 

17. eight qualities of a PERFECT boyfriend... Brave,Intelligent, Gentle,Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious, Self-organised. In short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.

 

18. He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

 

19. Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

 

20. Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

 

21. I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

 

22. Mary Mary quite contrairy how does your garden grow? Listen you prat i live in a flat so how the damn do i know.

 

23. Jack & Jill went up da hill 2 have a little fun.But stupid Jill forgot da pill and now they have a son.

 

24. Mary had a little lamb & tied it to a pylon a 1000 volts shot up its ass & turned it into nylon

 

25. Mirror Mirror on the wall.Whos the fairest of them all?The mirror laughed & den it spat- It sure aint u.u ungly prat!

 

26. At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS?

 

27. Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam

 

28. Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PYJAMAS?

 

29. I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up& down, can't wait til nxt time I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

 

30. come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!!

 

31. I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed

 

32. Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u... well get out of my way!

 

33. Girls misuse it!

Anger robs it!

Models sell it!

Photogrphs cage it!

Doctors advice it!

Death freezes it!

Artists create it!

That's SMILE

Keep Smiling..

 

34. Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth

which is 6″ long

and move it in and out

and wait for a white substance to come out?

Girl: y do u ask such question to me.

i cant tell such words

Boy:dont worry its tooth brush

35. True Love is like a pillow.

U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.

U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.

U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.

Want True Love?

Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.

 

36. It’s the thing that satisfies

ur mind, body & soul!

Do it on bed, on a sofa,

in the car or anywhere!

It’s called Prayer!

God bless ur naughty mind.

 

37. QUESTION:

What's pink and hard when it goes in... and soft and wet when it comes out?

ANSWER:

Bubblegum

 

38. whenever u feel sadness in your HEART,

blackness in your EYES,

paleness on your FACE,

fragrance in your it shows u are suffering lack of vitamin "ME".

 

39. You are one of the most CUTE persons in the world!!

Just a second, don’t misunderstand.

CUTE means:

Creating

Useless

Troubles

Everywhere..

 

40. All thats smile u make and hello say 2 wanted just I that out find U when irritating very it find will U..

R U CONFUSED?? Now read it BACKWARD.

 

41. It's a test to check your capability of Mathematics

But you have 2 read this msg for only once.......

ok!

R u ready??

Here We Go....

2+7

+9

-5

+4

+8

-2

+5

-4

+12

-8

THE QUESTIOS:

How many Times Did u Press The Button

 

42. Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin.

Where were u lastnite,

 

43. Mr inside lives with Mrs outside. Inside went outside leaving outside inside. Outside standing inside called

inside to come inside. But inside stayin outside called outside to come outside. so outside came outside and

inside went outside. oh, no where is ur mind now? inside or outside?

 

44. Its too heard to loose someone who is 99% cute, 98% sweet, 97% loving, 96% talented and 100% friendly,

Thats me, whats a waste of life if u loose me.

 

45. God made daylight n called it the SUN.

God made daylight n called it the SUN.

God made entertainment n called it FUN.

God made nightlight n called it the MOON.

God made U n called CARTOON.

 

46. Last Night Shaitan Come In My Dream & Said That he Wantedto Disturb good People. I Gave Him ur Number

But He Said TO me thai : I Can't Disturb my Boss":.!

 

47. EYES: to look at u.HAND: to pray for u.MIND: to remember u.HEART: to make friendship with u.and LEG: to kick u if u forget me....So alkways remeber me!!!

 

48.  484884484888484888844484848 ?

 

49. good morning.......

have u done 2 of thae most important things when u woke up today????

1) pray , so that u may live long

2) take a bath so that other can live long......

 

50. What is the height of Flirting?

When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN".

 

51. WARNING:

Cell Phone

Causes Radiation

& It Results In

Brain Damage !

But You are Safe.

It Only Affects

People With

Brains !!

How Lucky you are , No Brain No Pain:-

 

52. U r 20% Fantastic,

U r 20% Attractive,

U r 20% Loveable,

U r 20% Terific,

U r 20% Understandable,

Inshort U r 100% F.A.L.T.U.

 

53. Some times small things in life hurts a lot….

If u don’t agree with me… . . . . . . . . . . . .

TRY TO SIT ON A PIN….:-)

 

54. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 ~ !@ # $%^&*

Thank God All Boutons Of My Cell r Fine.

Sorry 2 Distrb u

 

55. In your life 4 thing come anytime:

1 LOVE

2 FRIENDSHIP

3 MONEY

4 ?????????

"SUSU"

So do it be4 sleep it can come at any time.

 

56. hey i saw u in TV... how smart u r ... how sweet u r ... how lovely u r ... but i dont know y u r comilg only in animal planet chanel...

 

57. When u feel, That nobody loves u, Nobody cares 4 u, & every 1 is ignoring you, N hating u, U should ask urself, Sala

 

58. you"

yes you

u really disspointed me

i trusted u so much but UR big mouth is never SHUT

why don't u stop telling others my secret?

that

I M CUTE !!

 

59. If u Punch me,I dont mind

If u Punch me,I dont mind

If u Hurt me,I dont mind

If u Use bad language2 me,I dont mind

If u Insult me,I dont mind

Bcause U R MY "ATM CARD"...

 

60. Those Sparkling Eyes

Those Sparkling Eyes

That Amazing Face

A 100watt smile

The Enthu Stride

The Cheerful Talk

Charming stud

I'm still The same

hw r u?...wts up?

 

61. My Principle Of Life

If Someone Throws a Stone At You..

Throw a Flower At Him,

But..

Make Sure The Flower is Still in The Flower-Pot

 

62. LATEST VERSION OF ALPHABETS.......

 

A: ARISTOCRATE

B: BEGPIPER

C: CONTESSA

D: DIRECTOR SPECIAL

E: EIGHT PM

F: FUN DROP

G: GOD FATHER

H: HEYWARDS 5000

I: IMPERIAL BLUE

J: JHONEY WALKER

K: KING FISHER

L: LIME DROP

M: MUGHAL MONARCH

N: NICHOLAS NO. 1

O: OLD MUNK

P: PETER SCOT

Q: QUEEN CHOICE

R: ROYAL STAGE

S: SIGNATURE

T: TEACHER'S

U: UNIBOUL

V: VAT 69

W: WHITE HALL

X: XXX RUM

Y: YANKEY

Z: ZINGAROO

 

63. Those innocent eyes, those kissable lips, a great smile the perfect walk, smoothest talk, absolute gorgeous, thts enough bout me... how r u ?

 

64. SEX SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly.

Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX,

S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday;)

 

65. Flowers die

stories end

Songs fade

Memories Ragotten

All things come to End

But..........

People like U always remain 4rever

Bcz

GHOST NEVER DIE

 

66.

 

1

Message received

1

cute friend sent it

1

monkey is reading it

1

monkey is angry

1

monkey is still reading

1

will forward the msg 2 another monkey.

you continue to read?

 

67. two men were searching for their lost wife in a festival.

John: What does your wife look like?

Linkon: She is 5?7?, 36-24-36 sexy figure,

fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair, and yours?

John: Forget mine, let us look for yours.

 

68. Heart beat are countless, spirits are ageless, dreams r endless, memories are timeless and a friend like u is Useless. Oops! Sorry Yaar, Priceless

 

69. God made butter, god made cheese; god made you for me to squeeze.

God made whiskey, god made Pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!

 

70. Some One

Is Loving you

Caring for you

Watching over you

Protecting you

Guess Who?

Neighbour's Dog!

 

71. Put your hand on my hand

&

hold my back with your other hand

touch your lip with my lips

&

taste how hot I am

do this everyday

don’t b confuse I am you tea cup.

 

72. Son kills butterfly, Dad says no butter for 2 weeks.

Son kills honeybee, Dad says no honey for 2 weeks.

Mom kills cockroach, Son says, Dad will you tell her or should I??

 

73. On a ship Captain Blackmails a girl

“If u dont sleep wd me I’ll sink d ship”

Later,She sms hr husbnd

“U mst b proud of me,

I saved 600 pasngrs 9 times in 2 days

 

74. AOA.

You are invited on My Marrige Ceremony,

Venue is Akbar-e-azam Banquet Hall,  Lahore

on 29th Feb 2009 5 pm.

Plz join me

Thanks

 

75. Long ago, Men who sacrificed their

love, youth, parents, identity,

laughter and their happines

were called SAINTS!

Now they are called HUSBANDS!

 

76. Man 1: I do not want to marry.

Because I am afraid of all women.

Man 2: Get marry soon.

Then you will be afraid of

only one woman and start loving the rest

 

77. Some randome facts.

1. An elephant shits half its weight in two days.

2. A man’s penis is 3 times  the length of his thumb.

3. 2 multiplied by 2 equals 4.

4. the final fact:

A woman would have finished reading

these facts by now,

but a man would still be checking the size of his thumbs.

 

78. Wife to husband:

why are you walking around naked.?

Neighbors can see your things.

Husband: So what..!

Wife: They will think I married you for money.

 

79. Remember: No matter how bad you are.

You are not totally useless…

You can still be used as a bad example.

 

80. She offered him Honour.

He honoured her offer.

Then the whole night,

in honour of her offer.

He was “on her” and “off her”.

 

81. :: Before Marriage ::

Boy: Finally the day come

Girl: Would you leave me?

Boy: No way don’t ever think about it.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes of course

Girl: Is there any other girl in your life?

Boy: No, not at all.

Girl: Do you live with me rest of your life?

Boy: Yes Dear!

Girl: Oh, Dear

:: After Marriage ::

Read it [...]

 

82. Never ever reject any girls in your life..!

Because,

A good girls gives you happiness.

and

Bad girls gives you experience!

 

83. difference between good girls

and very good girls.

Good girls open few buttons

when environment is hot.

Very good girls open all buttons

to make environment hot.

 

84. Friends I am collecting Gandhi’s photos.

Please give your contribution to my collection.

A small condition is, It must be on

100, 500 or 1000 rupees note only.

 

85. For India its Ind.

For Pakistan its Pak.

For Afghanistan its Afg.

For Argentina its Arg.

For Germany its Ger.

Then what’s for Brazil

 

86. Pappu: Dad how was I born?

Dad: well son, your Mom & I got to gether at ‘YAHOO’

we set us a date via E-Mail, & Met in a cyber cafe,

Your Mom agreed to dowload data from my PEN DRIVE,

JUST when I was about to “Transfer”

we realised that none of us have installed “FIREWALL”

IT was too late [...]

 

87. Degrees of girls….!

B.A = Beautiful Angel

B.E = Beautiful Eyes

B.Sc = Beautiful Structure

L.L.B = Lovely Lifp and Body

M.B.A = Married but Available

 

88. Some people have nice Eyes,

Some people have nice Face,

Some People have nice Smile.

But you have

.

.

.

.

.

Just Leave It…!

 

89. You are one of the most CUTE persons in the world!!

Just a second, don’t misunderstand.

CUTE means:

Creating

Useless

Troubles

Everywhere..

 

90. If ever I was rude to u,

If ever I was angry with u,

If ever I misbehaved with u,

then don’t hesitate,

JUST SLAP URSELF

mistake aap ki hi hogi :p

 

91. Love is possible after friendship

but

friendship is not possible after love

because

medicines work before death

later nothing can be cured….!!!

 

92. When things go wrong,

when sadness fills your heart &

when tears flow 4rm your eyes,

just let me know.

.

.

cause I want 2b there 4 U!

I am selling TISSUES, BUY 1 GET 1 FREE!

 

93. I always think about U.

I can’t live without U.

I really need U.

I’m totally mad about U.

I just wanna be with U.

I’m crazy 4 U.

I wanna marry U.

I LOVE U.

 

(My neighbour say all this to me)

 

94. Sectary saw his boss pant zip open.

She tells him, Sir your garage is open.

Bos: Did you see my Pagero Jeep?

Sectary: No, I saw a small scooter with

two punctured wheels.

 

95. It’s the thing that satisfies

ur mind, body & soul!

Do it on bed, on a sofa,

in the car or anywhere!

It’s called Prayer!

God bless ur naughty mind.

 

96. Teacher: Make a sentence using word “HAND”

Student: My penis in your hand.

Teacher slapped him.

Student: Sorry, I just forget to give space after “PEN”.

 

97. A girl to doctor: when I smoke cigarette,

I feel very uncomfortable,

On first puff, I put off my shoes.

On second, my socks.

On third, my shirt.

Doctor: take this cigarette and tell me in detail.

 

98. True relatives always

stand behind u during bad times.

Check ur marriage album.

All your relatives were standing behind u!

 

99. When the time comes for you to give

your heart to someone,

make sure that u select someone who

will never break your heart,

coz broken hearts have no spare parts.

 

100. Yesterday whole night i

was thinkin abt only U

Now i'm

thinking of "V".

Tonight i'll definitly

think abt w,x,y and z