1. CONGRATS.Your phone has been installed with a new puzzle game. To play,throw your phone against the wall.Then assemble the pieces....

 

2. Come here,take off urs pants and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving urs.....toilet!

 

3. Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u lastnite,

 

4. Press down down more Ok more YES ahh ohh yes almost there yeah oh shit harder SO GOOD ! mmmmm That's how I sex on text !

 

5. I really deeply wish tat u r here with me in my room.on my bed&lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my glow in the dark watch.

 

6. He came at night,

explored my body,

got on top of me,

touched me,

he bit, sucked, swalowd,

when he was satisfyed,

he left,

i was hurt,

BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!!

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Very good!

Intelligent Ho!

Tomorrow A-B-C-D

 

7. oT TnAW T2UL I

+THpinboop YA2

!..2mA3rb T33w2

! .. niH)A2 2'rU

Confused ? Read it in a mirror.. Now...

Bye!

 

8. What is the height of Flirting?

When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"

 

9. BUY A SCOOTY.....PICK UP A BEAUTY,DRINK A FROOTY.... TAKE HER TO OOTY,REMOVE HER NIGHTY...DO UR DUTY.,AFTER 9 MONTHS ... GET A CUTY

 

10. !@#$$##$$$^%&())+)*(&*&^%$#@@@#$$%^^^&&*(__(*&%$ ##@#&*&?"}::_+|+_)*(^%$##$%

 

11. this is your mobile operator we can see that you are too dump to use your mobile please put it on the floor and start jumping on it

 

12. It's better to stay away from girls. Only one or two can bring SMILE to your life, remaining will steel your HAPPINESS from your life

 

13. A husband was stung by a bee on his pnes and it became swollen. His wife prayed, "Oh God may you remove off the pain and leave the size as it is

 

14. Difference b/w panties of 1970 & 2000 :- In the 70's you had to pull down panties to see the buttocks,In 2000, you have to seperate the buttocks to see the panties

 

15. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."  

 

16. old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN. the engraver shortened it to  " RETURNED UNOPENED

 

17. Niple niple little star

can i suck you in my car

up above the breast so have

always milky never dry

let me touch it never shy

in the bra it will be dry

 

18. I really deeply wish that you are here with me in my room. on my bed & lights off & we get under the cover together..

to show u my glow in the dark watch.

 

19. Catch her by her waist

Bring her home..

Keep ur hand on her neck

Put ur lips on her lips

&

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Have a Nice PEPSI drink!

 

20. four road signs which stands in front of a woman’s vagina….

1.Caution-dark tunnel

2.Drive carefully-road wet n slippery.

3.Go slow.

4.Men at work

 

21. A Peach is Peach, A Plum is Plum

A Kiss isn’t a Kiss without some tongue

So Open your mouth, Close your eyes

And Give your tongue some exercise

 

22. What’s the closest thing to a woman’s period?

Your salary.

It comes once a month,

lasts About 3 or 4 days and if it doesn’t come, everything’s fucked

 

23. Sardar wid Grandson. Late night Shouts, “I need a Girl,I have an

Erection!” Gson says,”1st its too Late,2nd u r 75yrs Old,3rd d Cock u holding is

mine”

 

24. Amitabh bachan in KBC

Question for 10 lac to Sardar jee

What is the colour of your wife’s underwear?

Option 1 : White

Option 2 : Grey

Option 3 : Black

Option 4 : Blue

Sardar jee : Can i phone a friend?

 

25. The most difficult golf course in the world is… “Women Hole” any

style you play… as many shots you try… & as much perfection you have… you

can never get your balls in…!!!

 

26. Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people)

like NIKE (just do it)

like PEPSI(ask for more)

like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and

like ME (TO GOOD TO BE TRUE)..

27. How To Teach Mathematics To A Girl.

1st add lips

2nd minus clothes

3rd divide legs

and then start Multiplication in the Sweetest Point.

 

28. Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch the poor dog a bone. but

when she bent over Rover took over & gave her a bone of his own

 

29. How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How 2 impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer!!

 

30. I hereby place you under arrest for violating code 69 - distracting public with your xtreme good looks & sex appeal, remain silent & report to my bedroom.

 

31. I will go inside

 

32. I once had a ONE-2-ONE night with a VIRGIN.

She teased me till i got an ERICKSON.

sucked me till my face went ORANGE till

i busted my load of SEIMEN over her NOKIAS

33. Last night, I went to bed without u..cold, naked, thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u last nite,

 

34. What do you call a wife who is sexy,

beautiful, intelligent, understanding,

caring, never jealous and a great cook?

ANSWER : A rumor!

 

35. Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:

“Can kids of our age have kids?”

Teacher replied” NO Never!!”

Boy said to girl:

“See I told you not to worry!!!!”

 

36. Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

 

37. Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, then I can always look at them.

Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

 

38. It’s the thing that satisfies

ur mind, body & soul!

Do it on bed, on a sofa,

in the car or anywhere!

It’s called Prayer!

God bless ur naughty mind.

 

39. HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN: caress excite cuddle fascinate spoil kiss rub

tease pamper console worship respect & love.

HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN: blow job

 

40. A girl who opens her hands receives gifts,

who opens her heart receives love,

who opens her legs receives happiness

 

41. A teacher asked “what part of the body goes to heaven first?”

A child replied “feet” - coz every night i see my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I’M COMIN!

 

42. Hello sexy, unwear ur maxy…

 

43. When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $$$ per minute.

 

44. American students say: people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand.

 

45. Sex is a sensation. It’s about a man’s temptation, putting his location in a

woman’s destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a

demonstration?;)

 

46. A man reads a book in a bed next to his wife his finger went

to tease his wife’s pussy.

Wife asks “you want sex?”. “No,just to wet my finger to turn the

page!”

 

47. lady :” doctor, i feel very weak.”

dr: ” how many times do u have sex?”

lady: ” 5 times, mon- fri.”

dr: ” cut down wed.”

lady:” but thats the only day i m with my husband!

48. A chinese doctor says a woman has 5 rooms :-

Face is Showroom

Breast is Playroom

Stomach is Store room

Vagina is a Guest room

Ass is a Emergency room.

49. What is the similarity between man & mouse ?

= Both of them are in the search of hole !

 

50. LIFE is like a PENIS. sometimes up,stms down. stms h! ard,stms

soft.

stms big,

stms small. stms in,stms out. so ,enjoy PENIS..oops,I mean LIFE.

 

51. A man was traveling in a train with 3 babies

A woman inquired - Do these babies belong 2 u?

Man: No, I work in a condom factory n

these r customers’ complaints.

 

52. Mother, to her teenage daughter, -

I think its right time, we should talk about sex.

Daughter: Sure mom, what do you want to know?

 

53. English teacher: Make a sentence using neither-nor?

Boy: When girls wear tight fitting dresses, neither are they comfortable nor we

 

54. A Short thing

It gets Longer

when U hold it

N pass between

women Breasts

N enters into

A hole

What is it?

1 min 2 think!

Car Seat Belt

U dirty mind.

 

55. Skin meets Skin

When is that

the skin meets skin,

hair meets hair

n balls disappear..

dirty mind

its when

u BLINK UR EYES

 

56. Q: Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?

A: A computer doesn't laugh at a 3½ inch floppy.

 

57. Met a girl the other day who has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. It's amazing, if you put your ear to it you can smell the sea!

 

58. Hey dude Congrats! Heard u got selected as the first male model for Whisper advertisement. Why should girls have all the fun.

 

59. Daughter: Mummy that man gave me 10 rupees to climb that tree.

Mother: Stupid !He wanted to see ur panty.

Daughter: I am clever I din't wear any of them.

 

60. Boy (to girl): What's there in between your legs?

Girl: Hell! And what's there in between your legs?

Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell.

 

61. Girl & Boy were having sex.

Girl: Darling, I want you to kiss my lips!

Boy: Sure, which 1 would you prefer first, lower lip or upper lip?

Girl: Middle lips, the ones right in the middle of my legs.

 

62. Lady1: How come your husband is always home on time?

Lady2: I have made a simple rule. SEX will be at 9PM, whether you are here or not.

 

63. An journalist to mallika sherawat: What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up?

Mallika: I go back to my home!

 

64. Colour of underwear reflects your mood:

Red - Wild,

Black - Sexy,

Blue - Romantic,

Pink - Seductive

White - Calm,

Yellow - time to change your undrewear!

 

65. A dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, "Dentist caught filling wrong cavity".

 

66. Wives r incoming calls,

Lovers r outgoing calls,

Aunties r Toll-free calls,

Callgirls r Roaming calls,

Neighbour girls r Missed Calls.

 

67. It’s short thing, gets longer when u hold it, and pass between women breasts, and enters into a hole. What is it?

Car Seat Belt, you dirty mind.

 

68. Make luv to ur galfriend on Valentine day. She'll give u gud news on Mothers` day n u'll hv a child on children`s day. Don't try this on everybody. U'll hv bad news on Dec 1 (AIDS day)

 

69. A Sex expert was once asked whether a rape is possible while running. No, he replied, woman can run faster with her skirt up than a man with his pants down.

 

70. A man had "I LOVE YOU" tattooed on his dick. He went home and proudly showed his wife. "There you go again, trying to put words into my mouth", she said.

 

71. Sounds women make during sex.

1) Asthmatic - ah.ahh.ah..ah.

2) Obedient - yes.yes..yes.

3) Unsatisfied - more. more...more.

4) Religious - oh god. oh god.

 

72. Do you like mathematics? If so, add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

 

73. Why do 90%

of the girls have a bigger left breast ?

 

  )    (

( .)( . )

  )     (

 

 

because....

 

 

 

90% of the

boys are

right handed..

 

74. In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another

"I slept wid ur mom last nite"

D whole bar was waiting 4 d other Guy's response.

 

He laughs & says, "Lets go home dad, U r drunk"

 

75. Teacher: why are you late?

Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.

Teacher(Angrily): Can't your dad to it?

Student: No, only BULL can do it.

 

76. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. =)

 

77. A notice in a factory for girl workers.

"If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work.. If it is short, protect yourself from men at work"

 

78. ( ')

/ / in love !

/ /

( ) )

 

, ( ') engaged

/ , '

( ) )

 

married

, - - .

( ) )'(, )

 

79. What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

 

80. A cat tries to get a sausage out of a river, but gets its paws wet, then it see a bigger one but falls in! MORAL OF STORY? The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!

 

81. A cat and a rooster sat by a lake, the cat fell in the lake, the rooster laughed! LESSON: when there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock!

 

82. After Big Success of,

MS Word,

MS Excel,

MS Power Point etc.

Microsoft Launched New software related 2 cricket

MS Dhoni :)

 

83. friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true

warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx

 

84. (_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse

(_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

 

85. Eight qualities of a PERFECT boyfriend... Brave,Intelligent, Gentle,Polite, Energetic,

Non-alcoholic, Industrious, Self-organised. In short, B.I.G.P.E.N.I.S.

 

86. He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since

he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

 

87. Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have

a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

 

88. Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

 

89. I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday.

Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

 

90. I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!!!!!

 

91. I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it,

you cuddled me instead

 

92. baby i have an addiction problem.people say i shud go to rehab but i always tell

them i dont wanna go cause im addicted to ... YOU

 

93. Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls

destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

 

94. I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse!

 

95. Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and

we can multiply!

 

96. I'm like a rubrix cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get.

 

97. I want triplets You want twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins!

 

98. Of all the babes ur my selection.please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are

clean for ur Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!

 

99. If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I

meet U between the holidays?

 

100. north 2 north south 2south my best direction is mouth 2mouth