1. How Dogs and Women are alike?

Neither believe that silence is golden,

Neither can balance a checkbook &

Both put too much value on kissing.

 

2. If ever I was rude to u,

If ever I was angry with u,

If ever I misbehaved with u,

then don’t hesitate,

JUST SLAP yourself

 

3. Make love to ur galfriend on Valentine day.

She’ll give u good news on Mothers day &

U’ll have a child on children`s day.

Don’t try this on everybody.

Coz U’ll have bad news on Dec 1

 

4. “LOVE” .What a heavenly thing, what a heavenly word….

but do u know what is LOVE?

L= Loss

O= Of

V= Valuable

E= Energy….

So don’t LOVE..

 

5. Today is the birthday of Donald Duck..

Wish him happy birthday and send this

sms to every cartoon as i did…..

 

6. Can we do romance in the evening today?

I’m in a good mood

Just a little bit of kissing and biting

reply me soon!

urs lovingly

“MOSQUITO”

 

7. One who surrenders when he is wrong is HONEST,

One who surrenders when he is not sure is WISE,

One who surrenders even when he is sure that he is right is HUSBAND…

 

8. Wife asked his husband how many women he had slept with?

Husband proudly replies, only you darling, with others I was awake!!

 

9. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,

Marrying you screwed up my life.

 

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe “go to hell”

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s

Empty and so is your head.

 

11. Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Sugar is sweet,

And so are you.

But the roses are wilting,

The violets are dead,

The sugar bowl’s empty,

And so is your head.

 

12. “CONGRATS” U have been awarded an M.B.A degree

For not Smsing me.

MBA means ‘Member of Beggers Association’

Kindly forward it 2 all M.B.A’s.

 

13. From Moon to Sun, From Jan To Dec,

From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u

have never changed.

For me, you’ve always been…

a headache !

 

14. Hi, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

 

15. Are you free tonight, or will it cost me? I'm new in town, can you give me directions to your flat?

 

16. One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.

 

17. You don't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again you don't know the meaning of most words.

 

18. Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

 

19. The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2.If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?

 

20. Hi, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

 

21. On the door of a toilet....Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like thunder!

 

22. Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.

 

23. Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over but when u pull a panty the show begins...

 

24. A man said 2 his doctor 'everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection' the doctor said 'That's because u look like a cunt!

 

25. When I was young I begged God for a bike, but God does not work that way... so I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness!

 

26. Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!

 

27. Nature is a miracle. One million years ago no one knew people would wear glasses but our ears are at the right spot

 

28. Sorry! Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

 

29. Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wid a throb of his nob in her gob,Wid a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jelly cos shes doin a good job!

 

30. How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

 

31. helllo freind,,,,,,I just want to inform all of u friend,,, that ,.,.,.In this selfish world nobody is sincere, whenever u find such friend pls pls pls never let him/her go,.,.,. thanx

 

32. u don't know d meaning ov d word "fear" - bt then again u don't know d meaning ov most words.

 

33. The rain makes all things beautiful.

The grass & flowers 2.

If rain makes all things beautiful

why doesn’t it rain on you?

 

34. How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ...... ... .. ........ ..... ......... .. .... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*

 

35. When I was young I begged God for a bike, but God does not work that way... so I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness!

 

36. Nature is a miracle. One million years ago no one knew people would wear glasses but our ears are at the right spot.

 

37. I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:

one to get in and another to get out.

 

38. Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...

Enough about ME! How about you?

 

39. Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..

 

40. BEAUTY doesn't make love but love makes BEAUTY

BREAK everything but never BREAK the HEART

hEART iz the music, PLAY it but never play WITH it.

 

41. On de door of a toilet....Some people come here 2 sit &

wonder, I come here 2 shit like thunder!

 

42. How women think about sex:At 8 ignore it,Age 18 experience it,Age 28 look 4 it,Age 38 ask 4 it,Age 48 beg 4 it,Age 58 pay 4 it,Age 68 pray it,Age 78 4get it

 

43. I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

 

44. I’m at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!

 

45. Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW READ IT BACKWARDS!!

 

46. The fluffy clouds may kiss the sky, The rose may kiss the butterfly, The morning dew may kiss the grass,But u my friend can kiss my ass!

 

47. What did God say after creating man? I can do much better.

 

48. Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 20 pounds and a mother-in-law.

 

49. How do you keep an idiot in suspense............?? Tell you later........

 

50. You've got SEX APPEAL ... u've got INTELLIGENCE ... u've got CLASS ... u got da FACE, u got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY

 

51. Why did they call it PMS? Mad cow disease was already taken!

 

52. Text messaging is like a blow-job of an amateur prostitute; short, sweet and always cheap!!!

 

53. Press Down

....

....

....

Press Up

....

....

....

Oh! ur phone is working then, U LIAR!

 

54. A phone is a form of communication, a kiss is a form of affection, a picture is a form of remembrance, CHOOSING me as ur friend is a form of... Good Taste!

 

55. What is 10 inches long- 2inches thick and starts with a p??? A really good crap

 

56. if i tell you this ur not to tell anyone,ur the only one ive told so far cos your a good friend but guess whos due in 2 months!... FUCKING SANTA

 

57. i just got my medical results. my condition is critical,as days pass by i bcom SEXIER & SEXIER but dnt worry its not contagious......u wont get it!

 

58. X35 (l33U

h77V3J + hUJOH

W,I 3W d73H

35V37d

Can you crack the code? If not

try turning your phone upside

down...

 

59. Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says "Dr i've got aids" Dr replys "U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby" Jelly Baby says "yes but Dr i've been sleepin wiv ALLSORTS!

 

60. If flowers were dreams that would last for ever, I would pick the most beautiful ones to send to you

 

61. Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off till further notice!

 

62. I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

 

63. Light bulb's love declaration: I love you a whole watt!

 

64. Two sausages are in a frying pan. First sausage says: "It's hot in here". Second sausage replies: "Eeek, a talking sausage!"

 

65. Conscience is the inner voice, which warns us that someone may be looking.

 

66. If it weren't for the fact that the TV and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

 

67. 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

 

68. Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,

but behind every SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man...

 

69. ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

 

70. The trouble with life is there is no background music.

 

71. Ferrari's are red, Lambo's are blue... but I am as happy in a mini with you.

 

72. I love the spring mornings, the afternoons in autumn, the winter evenings and the summer nights....but you I love more !

 

73. A chrysanthemum by any other name would be much easier to spell

 

74. CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION

As of May 2001 Viagra will

only be available through

chemists by its chemical

name.So please ask for

MYCOXAFLOPPIN

Thank you

 

75. FARMER SAYS 2 HIS WIFE IF U HAD BIGGER TITS WE COULD GET RID OF THE COWS, WIFE REPLIED IF U HAD A BIGGER COCK WE COULD GET RID OF THE TRACTOR DRIVER!

 

76. what does a pizza delivery boy & a gynecologist have in common?....

They can both smell it but not eat it.

 

77. At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS?

 

78. In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry.

 

79. Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam

 

80. Baby from bottom of my heart you are the only one i can love from the feeling of my heart and sould you are the one i feel baby i will die for you just to have your love.

 

81. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

 

82. Can I snap your picture so I can show Santa what I gotta have for xmas?

 

83. Two sausages are in a frying pan. First sausage says: "It's hot in here". Second sausage replies: "Eeek, a talking sausage!"

 

84. Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?

A pink rose with loveley details.

And after sex?

Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

 

85. Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so i can suck your tits.

No she said lifting her skirt.

Eat me like the f****** book says!

 

86. What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

 

87. Have you ever been to the moon ? no ! sit on my rocket and I will take you there .

 

88. Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW READ IT BACKWARDS!!

 

89. A man can kiss his wife goodbye.A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass! so the world needs YOU after all!

 

90. Have you ever been to the moon ? no ! sit on my rocket and I will take you there

 

91. Shes down on her knees,

Eager to please,

Wid a throb of his nob in her gob,

Wid a tingle in his belly,

his legs turn to jelly cos shes doin a good job!

 

92. 3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

 

93. How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

 

94. T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.

 

We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u. not even a network

 

95. (_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

 

96. Nature is a miracle. One million years ago no one knew people would wear glasses but our ears are at the right spot.

 

97. I worte your name in the sand but it got washed away,

i wrote your name in the sky but it got blew away,

i wrote your name in my heart where it will stay...

 

 

98. Many ppl will wlk in and out of ur life, but only tru friends will leave foot prints in ur heart.

-

-

-

-

u left urs in mine

 

 

99. Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.

 

100. On the door of a toilet....Some people come here to sit and wonder, I come here to shit like thunder!