1.  sweetness in ur speech

talent in ur mind

luv in ur heart

peace in ur eyes

strength in ur hands &

i wish always victory in ur life .

 

2.  In 1980, IDBI bank rejected loan 2 Ambani.

Now 2009, Mukesh Ambani was planning to by IDBI bank.

This shows Nothing is Impossible....So

Now in 2009 CITI bank rejected loan 2 me..

But in 2010, I'm planning to...

.

.

Apply for loan again....

 

3.  A door knocks twice....

Inside asks: Who is there?

Ans: Its me "OPPORTUNITY"

Inside: U ar wrong bcoz opportunity never knocks twice...

 

4.  If I could hav just 1 wish, I would wish to wake up everyday 2 d sound of ur breath on my

neck, d warmth of ur lips on my cheeks, d touch of ur fingers on my skin, and d feel of ur HEarT

beating with mine... !

 

5.  teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except Banta.

He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

 

6.  Watching TV?

Nah!

Caught U!

Missing me and reading my SMS na.!!

Oh now U R smiling.

 

7. I have lots of jokes in my inbox,

But I can’t send you all of them,

It will take a lot of time,

So I’m sending you just 1 joke

.

.

.

“You are so beautiful”

 

8. SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

Dont get confused, Aray Baba SORRY means:

S->Some,

O->One Is,

R->Really,

R->Remembering

Y->You..

Have A wonderful day!

 

9. Hi i am marrying next week

there will be a small party and

only few persons will be invited

Hey don’t bring any gift

just bring SOMEONE to marry me.

 

10.  Future plans of childrens:

Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?

Rahul: I want 2 b a pilot.

Vikas: I want 2 b a doctor.

Rinky: I want 2 b a good mother.

Sunny : I want 2 help Rinky.

 

11. Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest

and please so here are some sleeping pills.

 

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you.!!

 

12. The Dream is not what you see in sleep,

Dream is the thing which does not let you sleep.

Good morning!

 

13. Give laugh to all but smile to one,

Give cheeks to all but lips to one,

Give love to all but Heart to one,

Let everybody love you

But you love one.

 

14. Ssshh….Don't afraid..

its me..

jus putting a blanket of love upon u

so that u’ll never feel that u r alone..

Love you

Have a cozy sleep full of heavenly dreams….

Good Night

 

15.  Husband:u will never succeed

in making that dog obey u!

Wife: Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,

I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

 

16. A late night sms greeting doesn't

only mean good night

It has a silent msg saying..

u r my last thought at night..

Goodnight.

 

17. Judge: why did u shoot ur wife

instead of shooting her lover?

 

Man: Your honour,

it’s easier to shoot a woman once,

than shooting one man every week.

 

18. God thought that since

he couldn’t b everywhere

he made a mother.

Then devil thought that

he couldn’t be everywhere

he made a mother-in-law.

 

19. Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?

Ans:

Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR

&

Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR

 

20. A ship was sinking.

Captain: Does any one know how to pray?

A priest comes forward and says he can pray.

Captain: Ok priest, you pray;

Everyone else in ship will wear a life jacket

as we are one jacket short

 

21. 2 men were searching for their lost wife in a festival.

Banta: What does your wife look like?

Santa: She is 5′7″, 36-24-36 sexy figure,

fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair, and yours?

Banta: Forget mine, let us look for yours.

 

22. TERROR JOKE -

What will happen

if u throw an AMPLIFIER into the sea?

TSUNAMI will be created

since an amplifier converts

small waves into bigger wav

 

23. I know its your birthday 2day..

I am sure you’ll give me treat in a big hotel..

so i shall talk to u in personal there,

coz i dunno to express my feelings in SMS”

 

24. Q: If marriages are made in heaven,

than what are made in Hell?

 

Answer: The days after marriage!

 

25. What’s the diff between Dava & Daru(Medicine & Whisky)?

Dava is like girlfriend,

that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,

Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.

 

26. I know u think u broke my heart

but I knew your game right from the start

I saw your game and played it 2

so look here I play the jokes on u!

 

27. Love is like a chewing gum,

it tastes only in the beginning!

 

But friendship is like chocolate,

it tastes till it ends!

 

28. As precious as u r to me,

As precious no one can ever be,

I know friends r hard to choose,

But u r a friend I never want to lose.

 

29. If u r a chocolate u r the sweetest,

if u r a Teddy Bear u r the most huggable,

If u are a Star u r the Brightest,

and since u r my “FRIEND” u r the “BEST”!

 

30.

In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent,

whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36

 

31. MBBS Final Exam:-

 

Question: Fill in the blanks.

 

If a lady faints, we must 1st check her PU_S_

 

Only few intelligent students wrote PULSE

 

32. The way you look into my eyes, It scares me

The way you say "I love you", It scares me

The way you know just what to say, It scares me

The ways you scare me, I love it

 

33. What is the height of Flirting?

When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN".

 

34. Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE

C-Come,

O-On,

L-Lets,

L-Love,

E-Each,

G-Girl,

E-Equally

Thats why boys go to college regularly

 

35. Heaven is not the one which you see after your death,

True Heaven is the one which you can see here in my True Friendship...

 

36. Heart said 2 eyes Dont c more bcoz u see & i suffer.

Eyes said to Heart Dont think more Bcoz U feel & I cry.

Thatz relationship...!

 

37. One Boy To Another,

What Did U Do On Mother's Day?

 

2nd Boy,

I Tried To Help Few Girls To Become A Mother

 

38. Boy: I am not rich like rohit, I don't even have a bid car like rohit. But I really love you!

Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about rohit..

 

39. FrNdS MaY b oLd,

FrNdS MaY B nEw...

ReAl fRnDs R vErY fEw,,

So WhEnEvR U r LoNeLy,

ReMeMbR iTs TrUe...

Someone somewhere is thnking of u...

 

40.  Wud u evr think how much i care u dat:~

    C:~ cant think anything apart.

       A:~ anytim, any wher think of u.

                         R:~ really fel alone widout n alyz ready 4.....

E:~ even u 4get, i wud nev.

Now i think u got an idea dat how much i care u.

 

41. Things will change:

From classroom 2 office,

From books 2 files,

From jeans 2 formals,

From pocketmoney 2 salries,

From G.F. 2 wife,

what will not change-:

OUR FRIENDSHIP....

 

42. Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?

Clerk: Yes.

Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?

2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!

 

43. How True.. .

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min,

a beer shortens your life by 4 minutes,

a working day shortens your life by 8 hours!

 

44. Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life?

Because, women don’t have a wife.

 

45.  A genuine reason for having two girlfriends at a time:-

Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!

 

46. A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.

Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby’s father will die.

Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!

 

47.  How to grow up a baby to make it absolutely

honest,

lovable,

truthfull,

&

an extremely intelligent kid......?

 

 

 

Ask my parents..!

 

48.  friendship is sweat when its new,

sweater when its true,

but sweatest when its you,

when GOD! gave friends, HE tried to be fair,

when I got you I got more than my share.

 

49. If I were to make a dictionary:

CUTE = you;

SWEET = you;

THOUGHTFULL = you;

GOOD LOOKING = you;

GORGEOUS = you;

LIAR = me!

 

50. nite is silent,

nite is beautiful,

nite is calm,

nite is quiet......but

nite is incomplete without wishing u gud nite....

 

51. A group of elephants were sitting on the street.

A sexy female elephant passes by...

What does the loafer elephant say?

Wow... 3600-2400-3600

 

52. When somebody who’s deeply in love with you

tells you that you’re cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree.

That’s true, believe me, I swear.

Cause love is blind!

 

53.  I know you think I'm cute,

I know you think I'm gorgeous,

but like the other guys

take a number and wait in line!!

 

54.  A german asks a mexican "do u have Jews in ur country?"

The mexican replies "Of course we have Jews, We have Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Lemon Jews

and Horchata Jews"

 

55. next time it rains, try n catch the drops in your hands, the drops you catch

is the amt, YOU LIKE ME, the drops you missed is the amt,I LIKE YOU...have a nice day my

dearest friend.

 

56. It s not an achievement to make 100's friends in a year,

but an achievement is when you make a friend for 100's years !

 

57. Never hold your farts in.

They travel up your spine,

into your brain and

that’s where you get your shitty ideas from!

 

58. Keep the smile,

Leave the tear,

Think of joy,

Forget the fear ,

Hold the laugh,

Leave the pain,

Be jouyous till i sms again

 

59.  I wish that God would hold u tight.

I hope that angels will keep u in site.

Now just2make sure u feel all rite,

I'm gonna wish u a wonderful Night!

Good n8 my Raagni!

 

60. U & me went to a wishing well.

I bent down threw a coin & made a wish.

U bent down a litle more n fel into well. I shouted

Aaila..

IT WORKS

 

61.  when we were kids,

we were eager to grow up,

2day we are grown up and

now we realised that

wounded knees were much better

than broken hearts.

 

62. Girl: I can leave everything for you

Boy: Mom-Dad?

Girl: Yes

Boy: Eating?

Girl: Yes

Boy: The whole world?

Girl: Yes

Boy: Star Plus

Girl: Sorry !!!

 

63.  i miss you utna

you miss me jitna

i miss you tabse

you mee me jabse

i miss you tabtak

you miss me jabtak

you miss me jaane kabtak

but

i miss you marte dumtak.....!

 

64.  when u r sad i will try ur tears

when u r scared i will confort ur fears

when u r worried ..i will give u hope

when u r confused .i will give u cope

and when u r lost .and cant see the light

i shall be ur beacon ..shining ever so bright

this is my oath ..i pledge tillthe end

why u may ask? ..because u r my friend

 

65. Wife:-I will die.

Husband:- I will also die.

 

Wife:-why will you die?

Husband:- because I can't bear this much happiness :D

 

66. Sometimes, I forget to say hi,

Sometimes, I even miss to reply,

Sometimes, my msg doesn't reach u,

But, it doesn't mean that I forget u,

I’m just giving u time to miss me!

 

67. 6 rules to be HAPPY:

Free your heart from hatred;

Free your mind from worries;

Live simply;

Expect less;

Give more & Always have ME as UR FRIEND... !

 

68. Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…

Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

 

WIFE says: No darling ,

it means :- With Idiot For Ever

 

69. Wash your face and wash your feet! Now itz time 2 fall

asleep. Yours eyes are weak N mouth can't speak so hope tis nite shall

b nice and sweet. Good Nite.

 

70.   What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?

A kiss is so dear,

a car is too dear and

a monkey is U dear.

 

71. When God leads you to the edge of the cliff(Life),

Trust him fully.

Only one of two things will happen,

either He will catch you when you fall or

He will teach you how to fly.

 

72. Whn you r alone, Whn you r crying, whn you r upset, Don't think of me!! just call me Bcoz incoming is free for... my friend!!

 

73. Birds love u,

Giraffe love u,

Goat love u,

Elephant love u,

Go to zoo,

They all miss u.

 

74. Court Order !! U R Accused of Crawling into my inbox & Hijacking My Smile with your cute massages. U R Sentenced 2b MY SWEET FRIEND 4 LIFE

 

75. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,

"You know, I was a fool when I married you."

She replied, "Yes, dear I know, but I was in love and didn't notice."

 

76. What is the difference between Mother & Wife?

One woman brings you into this world crying... &

the other ensures you Continue to do so!!

 

77. Love saves when all hope is gone.

It comes in form of friendship and offers the

greatest sacrifice.

It is the right hand that washes the left hand.

Truely nothing makes most sense to me like

begining and ending my day with my love.

 

78. The Japanese have produced a camera

that has such a fast shutter speed

it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!

 

79. Hubby: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.

Wife: Yes darling I still do, only difference is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

 

80. Never think of the past It brings tears...

If you think of the future It brings fears...

So, live life in the present And drink chilled beers!

 

81. To live a life, one needs brains, reflex, perception, looks, IQ, knowledge, way of expression & many more mental qualities.

Hats off 2 u coz u manage 2 live without them!!

 

82. If u r stressed, you'll get pimples..

if u cry,u'll get wrinkles..

So, y don't u smile & get dimples?

 

83. Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?

Student: I don't know.

Teacher: They r called Turks.

 

Now What r the people of Germany called?

Student: They r called Germs.

 

84. A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams.

Her husband sent telegram to her parents -

Ruby First Class in Bed!

 

85. He said... Do u love me just coz my father left me a fortune?

She said... No stupid, I'd love u no matter who left you the money!

 

86. Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: why three?

Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

 

87. When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

Answer : On their Wedding !!

 

88. Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Bcoz they are already leading a dog's life!

 

89. Love is Something beautiful a desire,

a feeling that 1 would like 2 catch.

LOVE is the feeling that makes u feel alive.

LOVE is something that may never go away. :-)

 

90. The Best Time To Do Something

Significant Is Between

Yesterday

And

Tomorrow

 

91. A GIRL CHECKS HER WEIGHT =58KG .

REMOVES CHAPEL =56.

THEN DUPATTA=52

NOW COINS FINISHED.......

.

.

.

.

A BOY IN A Q BEHIND HER

SAID

Ü CARRY ON"",

I HAVE COINS!

 

92. i mic being nxt to u

i mic hugging u

i mic ksng u

i mic ur heat beatng at the same tym with myn

nd i will alwys love you

 

93. I thought love was just a mirage of the mind,

it's an illusion, it's fake, impossible to find.

But the day I met you, I began to see,

that love is real, and exists in me.

To Roshini my love

 

94. A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly?

The father says to him, don't stress my son

u should see the one who is reading this!!

 

95. What do u call a woman in heaven? - An Angel.

A crowd of woman in heaven? - A host of Angels.

And all woman in heaven? - PEACE ON EARTH!

 

96. Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law?

Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur daughter!

 

97. FRiEND in different lanaguages...

Iranian - DOST

German - FREUND

Herbew - CHAVER

French - AMi

Pinoy - KAiBiGAN

Dutch - VREND

Mexican - AMiGO

 

For me.. just simply "YOU"

 

98. YOU R MY LOVE GIRL

I AM UR PEARL

UR APPLE OF MY EYES

PLS DON TEL LIES

 

99. How many space in ur heart 4me ?

If 100% send me a sweet sms,

If 75% call me,

If 50% send any sms me,

If 25% missed call me,

If 0% just miss me...

so, what u wanna do ?

 

100. So many options:

Poison,

Sleeping Pills,

Hanging,

Jumping from building,

Lying on Train tracks...

But people choose

MARRIAGE

-Slow but sure.

Gud Ni8