1. LOVE IS LIFE

LIFE IS WIFE

WIFE IS KNIFE

and

KNIFE IS DANGEROUS

 

2. Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:

Am I Too Late For The Garbage?

Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.

Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

 

3. A recently fired

stock trader said …

“This is worse than divorce…

I have lost everything

and

I still have my wife…”

 

4. Message of the year:-

Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!

Why? Very simple…

A woman does not have a wife..!!!

 

5. Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest

and pease so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?

Doctor:They are for you.!!

 

6. What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying…

&

the other ensures U Continue to do so.

 

7. Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”

Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: “What were you before you married her?”

Millionaire: “A Billionaire”

 

8. Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

 

9. Women Marry Men Hoping that They Will Change,

Men Marry Women Hoping that They Will Not..

Un4tunately It Happens in Contrast &

Ultimately Each 1 Gets Disappointed..

 

10. Lady Patient: Dr. Plz. call my husband inside. Dr: Trust me, I'm a Gentleman. Lady: No Dr. ur Nurse is sitting outside alone & my husband is not a Gentelman.

 

11. A fact about women:

They can see a hair of a girl on their husband's coat from 20 meters away, but they can't see a pillar from two meters while parking a car..

 

12. Always listen to ur wife because she always gives you a Sound Advice:

.

.

.

.

.

.

99% Sound

1% Advice :-)

 

13. Hus & wife were reading boOKs in public library.

Wife stood up go 2 da librarien,and said:Can i go out to foto state some pages of dis book.

Lbrn:yes!of course,but plz give me ur i.d or 500 Rs. 4 guaranttee,

Wife:whts the need 4 it,my husband is there reading book,while i come,

Lbrn:that?s right,?but we want dat reader should leave his/her such thing 4 that he come back compulsory.

 

14.

 

Gem notes for women:

1. If a man wants u, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn?t want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you some day.

3. Have your Own set of friends, separate from his..get ur time with ur friends to relax and unwind

4. Make your man miss you sometimes..when he knows Ure ALWAYS there for him, he?ll take you for granted.

 

 

15. Every Lady Hopes That Her Daughter Will Marry A Better Man Than She Did & Is Convinced That Her Son Will Never Find A Wife As Good As His Father Did !!!!

 

16. Sunnys teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying,Sunny seems to be a very bright boy but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.

The Mother wrote back the next day, If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father.

 

17. Why Are Wives More Dangerous Than The Mafia???

The Mafia Wants Either Your Money Or Life . . . But

The Wives Want Both . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

18. Wife to doc: Doc, I think my husband has a fearfull disease.I talk to him for hours and he doesn?t hear a word I say.

Doc:That?s not a disease, its a gift!

 

19. A Wife's prayer:

Lord

Give me WISDOM to understand my husband

LOVE to forgive him

PATIENCE with his moods

Bt

Don't give me STRENGTH

i'll kill that Bastard.. ;->

 

20. What is the difference between wife & saali (Sister in Law)

Saali is Beauty,

Wife is duy,

Saali is passion,

Wife is tension,

Saali is patakha,

Wife is sayapa,

Saali is cool,

Wife is fool,

Saali is tuty-fruity,

Wife is qismat futi,

Saali is fresh cake,

Wife is earthquake

 

21. Whenever u have to make a decision,

Listen to ur Heart

Then ur head

&

Then finally

Do…

What ur WIFE tells u to do…???

 

22. womens r like internet virus 1st they enter ur life

scan urs pockets transfer money edit ur mind download

thier problems delete ur smile and hang ur life

 

23. Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:

Am I Too Late For The Garbage?

Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.

Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

 

24. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

She replied, Yes dear, I know

but I was in love and didnt notice.

 

25. women are unpredictable,before marriage,she xpects a man,after marriage she suspects him,and after death she respects him.

 

26. A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

 

27. Always listen to your WIFE. She gives you sound advice.... 99% Sound and 1% advice.

 

28. Never criticize your wife's faults.

It might have been those faults that kept her from getting a better husband

 

29. Some girls get married for financial security; others get divorced for the same reason.

 

30. Wife to her friend: My hubby bought me a Mood ring the other day. When I'm in a gud mood, it turns Green & when Im in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead!

 

31. Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?

 

32. Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.

 

33. A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

 

34. One should never know too precisely whom one has married.

 

35. Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you

 

36. Women r confusing... Before marriage they expect a man, After marriage they suspect a man, After he dies they respect the man !!!

 

37. Never strike your wife - even with a flower.

 

38. Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

 

39. A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

 

40. Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband.

 

41. Boy friend is fun,

&

Husband is gum,

Boy friend is light of moon,

&

Husband is month of june,

Boy friend is tooty fruity,

&

Husband is qismat phooti.

 

42. The theory used to be you marry older men

Because they are more mature.

The new theory is that men never mature.

So you might as well marry a younger one.

 

43. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.

The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

 

44. Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

 

45. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about

something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

 

46. Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

 

47. Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband

said to you when he woke that morning?”

Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’”

Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”

Witness: “My name is Susan.”

 

48. Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

 

49. The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

 

50. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married – now he is going through Hell!!!

 

51. The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.

First the aisle, cos that is what you’ll be walking down.

Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.

Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.

While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words

…Aisle, alter hymn (I’ll alter him)

 

52. To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother--I want to marry one who makes dough like her father.

 

53. Question: Ted Kennedy: "Where was George?"

Answer: Dry, sober, and at home with his wife

 

54. Suicide is belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives.

 

55. The definition of a perfect Wife? – one who helps the husband with the dishes…

 

56. Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

 

57. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

 

58. No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

 

59. Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

 

60. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

 

61. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.

 

62. Meaning of Marriage for a woman -

Sacrificing admiration of many men for the criticism of one man!

 

63. Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.

 

64. A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

 

65. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

 

66. Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.

 

67. If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.

 

68. Grooms, once you marry,

please remember that when

you have a discussion

with your future wife,

always try to get the

last two words in: “Yes dear”

 

69. If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.

 

70. I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

 

71. I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got.

 

72. I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope.

 

73. I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.

 

74. Feminists are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

 

75. English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.

 

76. Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

 

77. A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands.

 

78. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.

Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

 

79. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

 

80. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

 

81. It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

 

82. Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.

 

83. Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"

 

84. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

 

85. My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

 

86. I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

 

87. I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

 

88. Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

 

89. I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.

One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".

Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.

"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;

I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...

 

90. May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living.

 

91. A man tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and he had to return the unused part for his full refund

92. Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

 

93. The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

 

94. husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

 

95. My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

 

96. My daughter was my mother too because she was my father's wife!

 

97. Many years ago when I was 23, I got married to a widow. this widow had a grown up daughter. My father fell in love with her, and soon they got married. This made my Dad my son-in-law and changed my very life. See below how:

 

98. Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed. Women somewhat deteriorate during the night.

 

99. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

 

100. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the begining of a new argument.